Genesis 24:63 “And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.”

Genesis 24:64 “And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.”

Hello readers, … well, here’s a blog I thought I would never EVER do. And I think there will be more of the kind this year. When I first started blogging about 9 (give or take) years ago, giving singles advice from the Bible was the last thing on my mind.

At the outset, know that I am single, so I’m writing this while I am in a position of faith, not having received this promise from God. So I get you! I’m in the same boat.

Relationships are a big part of life, and after getting saved, finding a spouse is the most important decision we will ever make.

It’s a big decision, because not only are you “stuck” with that person “for better or worse”, assuming divorce isn’t an option, but it will be an extreme limitation on how God can and will use you for the rest of your life.

I say limitation, but only if it is the wrong person. Because where it is a limitation with the wrong person, it is an expansion with the right person… as Jabez prayed “enlarge my coast”.

You should not be put off marriage by the failed examples of others. Marriage done right is not limiting, but an expanding of your horizons and your life maybe beyond your wildest dreams. So it can be a negative sure, if done wrong, but it can be an even greater plus, if done right.

The solution isn’t throwing marriage out, the solution is seeking God in it. After all, God created marriage, and it’s in Genesis 2, so it’s as fundamental a part of our human existence as anything. There are mysteries in the Bible, but the only “great mystery” is that of marriage as picturing Christ and the church… there’s something great about marriage.

Nevertheless, the fact remains, and it’s good to be sober about it, because if you are wanting to serve God with your life, this decision can make or break you. I hope it makes you.

It’s wise to decide you are going to obey God in this area of life, because as soon as feelings take over, the best intentions can go quickly out the window, so particularly in this part of life which heavily involves the heart, never have these words rung more truly “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

I’ve heard of and seen the example of many men of God who married the wrong woman, sure they married the woman who was right for them, but was the wrong woman objectively, who will never ever realize what God could have done with them.

Do you want a Song of Solomon marriage? Or a song of lamentation and regret? I know which I would prefer. And it’s worth some trial and tribulation involved in waiting for the Song of songs “saw ye him whom my soul loveth?”

So I really could not stress enough that this is an absolutely crucial area of life. We tend to sometimes cut people off in this area, and “possess” this part of our life for ourselves, but this is an area of life where godly counsel and calm Biblical order can be our saving grace.

We should want as much light in as possible, because light helps us see, and when done right, there’s nothing to hide in it at all. Choose the path of honour, and you will get an honourable marriage.

I don’t know how you’re going dear reader, I don’t know where you are at in life. I really hope for the best for you in this part of life. I know that if you’re hoping to be married, time can disintegrate you slowly. Maybe at the start you were optimistic and hopeful. But as you are bowed down by years, this can become a great area of defeat.

Many people get involved in sexual relationships long before they get married. Many people just can’t handle waiting, as God seems to tease them and tempt them and really let them down and forget about something so important to them. … so they settle.

Some people just make mistakes also, and that’s tough. And there is forgiveness with God, but it would be a mistake to intentionally sin banking on God, because once you’ve started giving your body to other people, your actions have now included someone else… maybe someone you don’t even know yet. You may get right with God for yourself and be able to come to peace with your decisions… but you’ve now forced someone else have to deal with your decisions also.

So this world encourages a real casual attitude to sex, but it is anything but. It is something that belongs only to your spouse, a spouse you perhaps haven’t identified yet, but who is relying on your faithfulness. It is worth it. You ever thought about how Joseph’s brothers were relying on his faithfulness all those years? They didn’t know it, but their survival hinged on his faithfulness. If Joseph didn’t stay faithful to God, he would never have come to the position to be the saviour of the known world in the famine, including for his brothers. So maybe consider thinking of waiting for your spouse that way.

I started this blog by saying I’m single. That’s my disclaimer. Why I said this is because I’ve always struggled to take advice from people on finding a spouse who already have got one. It’s not necessarily their fault, but in this case, it’s easy for someone who’s already happily married to hand out advice to someone who isn’t.

… easy for you to say! Well, I’m glad it worked for you, but it hasn’t for me. What really helps us about Christ is that he knows how we feel, and yes, there are married couples who have great testimonies of God’s grace, but I’m writing this in the same situation, or perhaps even more hopeless than your own. You may think you’re the least likely to be the beneficiary of God’s grace but no, let’s make this a competition… I’m the least likely!

What I’m saying is that if you’re reading this and single, you can’t wash what I’m saying in the same way you might someone that is already happily married pretending to know what you’re going through. Although you may then say, well you’re single, how can you give advice having had no success? Well that’s fair, but I believe my advice is Biblical and from God’s word, but you can make that judgment.

I think with finding a spouse, a key thing is (if you’re a Christian of course), consciously making a decision on whether you want to find who God has for you, or who you want for yourself… because those two things may not necessarily align. Your idea may be one thing, but God may have something different. You’re going to have to trust that God’s choice is better… and best, because God knows better and best.

So really at the outset, you’ve got to be truthful with yourself about your motives and intentions and whether you’re really going to obey God “thou desirest truth in the inward parts”… because God isn’t fooled even if you’ve fooled everyone else and even yourself “be not deceived, God is not mocked”.

I remember when Johanan and the captives went to Jeremiah asking him to pray for them for God’s direction in a big decision they were facing… do we stay put in the land of Judah or do we go to Egypt (Jeremiah 42) and they said this to Jeremiah “Pray for us unto the Lord thy God… That the LORD thy God may shew us the way wherein we may walk, and the thing that we may do.” Sounds good hey.

But Jeremiah came back and basically said you’re a bunch of liars, you’ve already decided what you were going to do long before you asked me, you only asked so you could make it look like you were honouring God… you had no intention of truly doing so “For ye dissembled in your hearts, when ye sent me unto the LORD your God, saying, Pray for us unto the LORD our God; and according unto all that the LORD our God shall say, so declare unto us, and we will do it.”

Most people want to appear to others like they’re wanting to honour God with their lives… but few actually do it “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.”

By the way, this was a really big decision for Johanan and the captives… a decision of great consequence. And it had a great consequence. And so is and so does marriage… who you get involved with is of far greater consequence than oops. You’re making a decision not just for the honeymoon, you’re making a decision for five, ten, twenty years in and all that God can do with your life.

And so maybe you’re a bit intimidated by it all. Maybe it seems more cons than pros, weaknesses than strengths, negatives than positives! Jesus laid down some truths to the disciples on marriage, divorce and sexual infidelity one day and they came to this conclusion “His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.” Hmm, not so sure about that. But maybe you’re thinking it’s not good to marry because it’s not worth the trouble? I don’t know.

And maybe it’s easier in some ways not to marry. And for some, it is given them not to marry. But for the majority, marriage is a necessary part of life, fundamental to our human existence, and something God designed for far greater than necessary companionship and intimacy… he designed marriage for the purpose of glorifying Jesus Christ… and so marriage is a vital extension of the Christian life… and very powerful in God’s work being done here on earth… and thus it comes under the most severe of Satanic attacks.

One thing I’ve noticed in Christianity is increasing singleness, and increasing settling. I’m also noticing a lot of Christians not waiting for marriage. End result: there are a lot of single Christians. And their situation isn’t helped by the shambles state of the church and the scattering of believers across cities, countries, and continents. And then there are a lot of Christians who are unequally yoked. Satan has done a great job cutting off the blessing of marriage from so many people. To be clear: Satan does not want strong Christian marriages, because they threaten his kingdom immeasurably.

I’ve seen in Christianity that many Christians “give up”. They give up on their dream of finding a spouse. Or they cling onto it somewhere in bitterness, unbelief and resentment towards God and other people. That is not the answer either.

Solomon, the wisest man to have lived (if we exclude Christ obviously), saw the importance of marriage in Ecclesiastes 4. He knew a thing or two about marriage through failure. We want to learn without failure. But the fact is, without marriage, what is life? We can have a career, go travelling, play sports, adventure… everything…  but without family, what’s it worth… you’re just an alone person in this world basically working and living for ultimately nothing. And the single life can be quite selfish when it is dedicated to self. Paul said there would be many selfish people in the last days, and even married people are selfish also, destroying their relationship with their selfishness, serving themselves of who they are with, rather than serving who they are with.

Consider these verses for Ecclesiastes 4 in the context of marriage.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9 “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9 “Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?”

Ecclesiastes 4:9 “And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

These verses show the importance of marriage, and how the combination of two can achieve more than one and one apart. It’s called synergy … where 1+1 = 3. The combination of a godly man and a godly woman together can achieve a lot more than the sum of their individual parts in marriage. That’s what the Bible is saying in these verses.

But not just that, marriage is for when we fall. If you fall as a Christian, who is going to pick you up? A spouse knows you far more than a standard friend, so ordinary friends and even family may not have the same capacity to lift you up like a godly spouse can.

And not just that either, but marriage is for heat and warmth. Obviously, there is physical application, but take this to spiritual application. We know that coals on their own go out, but coals together stay warm and bright longer. Maybe you’ve heard of survival stories where people huddle together to stay warm together. It’s because alone you go cold, but with someone else you stay warm. And that’s true spiritually, we need a spouse to help us stay warm to God.

… In all this can you see how for all this to be true necessitates a godly spouse? If you don’t have a spouse that’s following Christ with you, none of this can truly happen. So while marriage is blessed and enjoyable in and of itself, and unbelievers partake in that like believers alike, yet for two Christians, it truly is something, or should be something far greater. It is a gift from God for our Christian walk, as two paths combine to follow Christ together and leave a legacy that will echo in eternity… and it all requires divine intervention to happen, and that’s why we need to look to God’s perfect gift for us, a gift from above.

And the last part of this refers to battle. United we can stand a lot more and a lot longer than alone. This world is against Christ. Our flesh does not know God nor care for God. And faith is a fight. And a marriage should help us to be able to prevail against the attacks of the devil and this world.

I’m going to leave it there for now, I’ve got to go and pick some fruit off my fruit trees! And also, many of my blogs have been quite exhaustive, and maybe gone too long, I don’t know. But sometimes in many words, the most important parts can be lost. So I will pick this up soon.

Remember… it’s about Jesus Christ, what you’re looking for ultimately is his glory, marriage is far more than just getting what you want… it is about Jesus Christ. If you are single, it would be good to read Genesis 24 on repeat, and meditate upon it. It could just be one of the best stories in the Bible. And because last year I saw something in there I hadn’t seen before. The reason why Abraham wanted his servant to get Isaac a wife from his own kindred was because it’s showing that you must marry a brother or sister in Christ. Do not go for a strange woman if you are a man. And do not settle for a worldly man if you are a woman. It truly is not worth it. Don’t try to change them, make a decision based on who they are. If you are single, may God comfort you and bless you, and if you are married, may God richly bless your marriage as you grow in Christ together.

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