Hello readers, well here’s the next instalment in my end of year review. We have one more day left of this year until the new year!

If you’re pinning your hopes on a new year for a fresh start, well it’s not the turning of the clock that changes anything really. Our fresh start really comes in relation to where we are at with God… hopefully he’s your calendar “This month shall be unto you the beginning of months: it shall be the first month of the year to you.”

A new leaf isn’t going to cut it. I was thinking about how a fresh start works, and Hezekiah models that pretty well, if you read about his life, you’ll see what a fresh start looks like… he gave Jerusalem and the kingdom of Judah a fresh start after the wretched reign of his predecessor.

And it began with cleaning all the filth out of the temple “And said unto them, Hear me, ye Levites, sanctify now yourselves, and sanctify the house of the LORD God of your fathers, and carry forth the filthiness out of the holy place.” What needs to be dragged out of the deep recesses of our heart and life and brought into the open and cast out, burnt, never to return?

Don’t just take it out to put it straight back in there. Burn that sucker.

Notice how it started with the Levites. The unsaved aren’t going to get right with God until the saved people get right with God.

I was thinking of the phrase “empty, swept and garnished” from Matthew 12:44 and that’s what many of us can be. The context to that phrase was Jesus talking about what happens when a devil is cast out of a man.

He’s going to want to return! He’s going to come back! So we better not be empty! A lot of people clean up their lives a bit, and they get it looking real good, they clean the house out and it’s so neat and tidy now like a typical sterile modern home (and that’s what religious overhaul jobs do) … but the Holy Spirit never did take up residence. And their last state is worse than their first.

There are so many people who go through remorse over their sin, mainly feeling sorry for themselves, or genuinely not liking what they did… only to return to it. Salvation isn’t religious overhaul… it’s a new creature. You can put a sheepskin on a wolf or a jewel in the pig’s nose… doesn’t make them one bit less what they are.

You wouldn’t believe that a dog goes back to its vomit until you’ve seen it. And having three dogs where I live, I’ve seen it! They are unclean animals, and they do return to their vomit.

But it’s their nature… they can’t help it. So I can’t blame them. Even if I try to train them not to and quickly clean up any vomit if I ever see it… the propensity is always and will always be there. That’s why churches have really got to focus on new birth, not “discipling” unsaved people.

But think about it, it’s understandable that the dog with his unclean nature goes back to his vomit… and that’s always disgusting… but how much worse for a Christian, who is supposed to have a new clean regenerated and quickened nature in them, going back to their vomit?

You ever gone back to your porn? You ever gone back to the bottle? You ever gone back to drugs? You ever gone back to being that nasty, mean old backbiting hateful person that you’re trying to be better then?

With Christ, there should be no return “And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” … but if there is… as we are prone to relapse “the sin which doth so easily beset us”… yet there is cleansing still in the blood of Christ for that every day “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

If we want to be strong Christians, we have to get in the Bible “I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you”. I was thinking about a phrase from Hebrews 5:14 yesterday “But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” Think of that reason “who by reason of use”. You want to get strong in God’s word… read it and use it!

I’m not a physiotherapist or anything but I kind of know that when patients are recovering from injuries or after surgery or situations that incapacitate them a bit and they’re bed bound, it’s so important to get up and start using your muscles as soon as possible. Because they atrophy… and we get severely atrophied by not being in the word. Make the next year a case of “by reason of use”. “That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life;” Look at that word there… “handled”! Get a handle on the Bible! And the only way to do that is by reading it!

I’m not sounding as woeful now (I don’t think!), but I will return there now a little. Because I’ve got some more thoughts that flow on from the lamentation of previous blogs. I was thinking recently about being forgotten, and at times I have felt forgotten by God. Well that’s a change of gears! But Job changed gears a fair bit in the same chapter often! So it’s ok!

If I had lamentations, my namesake in the Old Testament had it far worse than me. Genesis 40:23 “Yet did not the chief butler remember Joseph, but forgat him.” If you know the story, well Joseph was in prison at this point in Genesis, and in there he interpreted a dream for a butler, He told the butler that his dream meant he would be restored and released to his former position as chief butler for Pharaoh.

And he asked the butler not to forget him when it happened. Please don’t forget me! Put in a good word for me, after all I did nothing to deserve being here! … And yet the butler forgot all about Joseph for over two years. While Joseph was stuck in a jail cell, he was the furthest thing from the butlers mind as he got on with his life. Ouch!! You can almost feel that hurt from here.

Thank God that God is not like the butler! God hasn’t forgotten us, and when it seems like he has… which will happen… he hasn’t “he forgetteth not the cry of the humble”. Noone wants to be forgotten, not in terms of their legacy and value to others as they depart this world, but also as they live life here, would you want your wife or husband to forget all about you? There are people, and some way more than others, that we do not want to be forgotten by. No, you want to be in their minds and on their minds and in their hearts constantly.

What about in high school or university, when you had that crush and wanted someone to notice you, and they don’t care for you, and you hope they remember and consider you… but you’re the furthest thing from their mind while you are consumed with them in yours.

… Imagine how God must feel when we forget him, as we can do. Israel did a lot of forgetting of God, and so do we all… and so quickly also! Thank goodness God isn’t like us in that case.

This year I had a little bit of “girl trouble”. And recently I was thinking about Genesis 2:20 “And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” And I was strongly discouraged. There’s no one for me. Yeah it seems a lot of people feel that way… but I > really < feel that way. Think of Adam’s despair as he sees the animals pairing off with their mate, and he’s got no one.

I got to that verse and couldn’t look at the next verse because past disappointment does not allow me to believe God. The unbelief is so strong. And yet even if I close the book, yet the next verses are still there, and when my faithfulness fails, Jesus Christ’s faithfulness yet abides “And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.”

But then, and this is how the human brain works, then there are also issues with… did God really promise me anything anyway? Did that apply to me? Speaking about Job a fair bit recently, Job said this phrase “but it is not so with me.” We read the Bible and it feels like it applies to other people, and their situations, especially as you hear about success stories in other people’s lives… and you’re like… yep well that’s not my life… sure it’s for them “but it is not so with me”. And then that brings the questions of God’s care and love for me personally.

Trusting God is easy, and yet so hard. In fact it’s the hardest thing we’ll ever do and impossible to do in some ways when I think about me. Because it’s just not in me. And in struggling to trust God, I find myself all alone, in a place where nobody else can understand or help me “And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.” A lot of people try to run from loneliness… that’s why they bounce from relationship to the next, with the next ready to go while they’re even still in one.

This year has been a series of long nights… and it never seems to be day break. And yet in these times is where God is changing my walk. It’s a walk where I’ve lost a lot of my power, it’s more a limp, but where I trust “Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.”

When questioning does God love me… I thought of this verse “As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.’” Does God love me? And they had this question in the book of Malachi “I have loved you, saith the LORD. Yet ye say, Wherein hast thou loved us?” Nothing the Bible hasn’t dealt with, and the book begins with this question. To be honest, I can’t honestly ask God that question about whether he’s loved me (though I do), because he has, and I can see his blessing in my life even while I’m not at the point I want to be.

But it’s a strange way of proving you love someone, by referencing someone you hate. And it’s quite a lot of amazing thoughts here. How does God prove his love? And who does God hate? Because God hated Esau, and yet Esau had a great life from all accounts. So how did God hate him? And here it is… God didn’t deal with him as a son… because he wasn’t his child. Esau was not a child of God. And God just left him alone. Kind of like “And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.”  What could be worse than God leaving you alone. Remember when Jesus saved the demon possessed man of the Gadarenes and the people told him to get out of there? What did Jesus do? He didn’t curse them… he just left. When God hates someone it doesn’t mean he zaps them with every curse on the planet, no, he gives them what they want “thyself hast decided it” and he sends the rain on the just and the unjust… just they never enjoy him.

But you look what God did with Jacob. Where Esau’s descendants finally destroyed themselves in their own jealous hatred and bitterness, God rebuilt Jacob, and he tenderly brought them back to the land even after all their sin. He really showed his care for his people the whole way. Everything he did was for their good, and he knows whats best for us. If I’m thankful for nothing else, I’m thankful that God is dealing with me as a father, even if that means I get the chastising while others do not. So how can I say to God how and where have you loved me? He’s showing immense love to me by sometimes refusing me, sometimes denying me, sometimes making me wait… because he wants to give me perfect gifts, some of which I have not been capable of receiving as yet.

I mentioned Joseph, and his story and I noticed that his story is full of forgetting and remembering. Joseph was forgotten by the butler, but he named his first son Manasseh which means … wait for it… “to forget”. Little Manasseh was a reminder to Joseph every day of what he didn’t remind himself of. Crazy hey. He remembered not to remember! What did Joseph forget? No he never forgot what happened, he couldn’t just erase the past, but he chose to forget the bitterness and pain and despair associated with his brother’s cruel betrayal. He left all that behind to get on with his life.

When his brothers came to Egypt to buy corn, they bowed down to Joseph not knowing it was him… and like with many occasions in Joseph’s story, these words are far more emotion charged than we will ever realize, or any tv adaptation will ever be able to portray “And Joseph remembered the dreams which he dreamed of them”. It came flooding back to Joseph as the whole story came full circle. What’d he chiefly remember though? … That God did care, that God was right, he realized in that moment what God had done “you meant it for evil, but God meant it for good”. I’m hoping one day to remember how I felt this year, I’m hoping one day when God brings it to pass that I’ll remember what he promised me was true even if the whole journey there was not that straightforward at all “we’ll understand it better by and by”.

I’ve been thinking this year about cost. How David told Ornan the Jebusite who offered him the place and equipment to offer sacrifice for free. But David said “neither will I offer burnt offerings unto the LORD my God of that which doth cost me nothing” and he also said ” thou shalt grant it me for the full price”

Honestly, when would you ever demand to pay fully what something is valued at over getting  it for free? David demanded to PAY. No discount. No freebies. Give it to me at full price. And what does this tell us? It tells me that though my salvation is free, it came at full cost. And what makes it so priceless is the fact that someone paid for it for me. God sending his Son was paying full price for my redemption. My salvation is not cheap junk… it’s not trash… it was freely given to me… but it’s not a giveaway. Many Christians don’t live like they’ve got a salvation that’s worth much… because it truly isn’t. There is no cost or price involved.

… we have to really get this down in our day and age where everything is so cheap… Just because salvation is free doesn’t mean somebody did not pay for it. Because somebody did, and the ultimate price at that. How about we honour that?

And for us, what gives our salvation and profession of faith far more value not just to us, but to others, is when it comes through trial and testing. “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:” So is your Christian profession trash or treasure? If it hasn’t gone through the fire yet… you don’t know and you can’t know.

Tell you what, if you were in war and someone jumped in front of a bullet for you, I think you’d think pretty highly of that person for the rest of your life. It might well affect the way you live. The fact Jesus’ blood doesn’t change the way we live shows how little value we often place on it “Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?”

They never put the Passover blood to be stepped on or over, it was only on the doorposts and the lintel. … so yes, our salvation is given to us freely by God’s grace. But it was paid for in blood by Jesus Christ. It’s the only thing from this life that has true everlasting eternal value.

One other thing, and sorry if I keep flitting between thoughts, but with relation to some of my problems in life… not only does it come from sin, and God actually knowing what needs to be done with me… but some of my problems come from these words “I thought”. The first time we see that phrase in the Bible is here “And Abraham said, Because I thought, Surely the fear of God is not in this place; and they will slay me for my wife’s sake.” It’s often “I thought” that gets me in trouble. It wasn’t God letting me down at all! But I thought God would do this. I thought he would do that. I thought I’d be married by now. I thought things would just happen. I thought girls just automatically wanted the same thing. I thought people would treat me right. I thought. I thought. I thought.

… and I was wrong.

It’s hard to admit you’re wrong and got it wrong. But I’ve got things wrong, and this year I’ve got things wrong on end. There is seemingly no limit to how wrong I’ve been. It’s like every step in every direction is wrong. And maybe it’s because “I thought” rather than God truly led. I don’t know if you’ve ever walked through a door as someone shut it at the same time, but the door being slammed in my face left me flatter than Looney tunes. You know how they spring back to shape, I don’t know if I’m as immune to plastic deformation. And yet “ For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again”… but then I know I’m not “just” and so I don’t qualify for that! Aha! My unbelief has an answer for everything. And then I think well no, of course I’m not just! “For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not” but then I think well that’s just as well, because my “justness” is not based on me and how good I am, but he who justified me “ that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.” I’m made just by Jesus Christ.

This year I saw the phrase “for he supposed” from when Moses supposed that the people of Israel would understand how God would use him to deliver them.

Guess what? They didn’t. He supposed. But he was wrong. … 40 years later. You might have good intentions and you might want someone to see what they can’t… but you can’t make it happen. And I’ve learnt that. Not just with girls, but in witnessing. It would be nice to make people see what you can see and they can’t. And yet it doesn’t take force and will power… it takes the Spirit of God or not at all.

There are many people who can’t hear. There are many people who won’t hear. And what hope do they have? Jesus showed it when he was here… he is the only one who can change that. Until he does, there’s not much I can do. So it’s not about the outcome necessarily, I can only control what I can control. I’ve got to make sure I obey God personally, and leave him to take that dead seed and turn it into life if he so wills.

And so I hope you’ve enjoyed this blog… remember, God hasn’t forgotten you. “For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister.” That’s a great verse to conclude on from Hebrews.  Yes life is depressing when you subtract God from the equation. But he’s very much in the equation for the child of God. And he is bidding us come to him by walking on the water. When you walk on the water, don’t look down, don’t look around! Look at me, maybe I’m starting to take a step on the water without going through it’s surface! Darkness might be on the face of the deep… but “the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters”! I hope the Spirit of God works mightily in my life, and also in yours, as we make the turn for the new year… 2024!

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